Somewhere along the way I feel like I missed something. I missed out on a class. I missed a step somewhere. I overlooked something along the way. All of the people around me have been able to find someone that they like, someone that likes them, someone who loves them for their flaws as well as for their greatness. I feel like I either missed that person or perhaps I missed out on some secret that everyone else knows, but is keeping from me. Now, I know that’s not the truth, but that’s how it feels.
I’ve been single since I was 19. That’s 17 years. And even then, it was only a 6 month relationship. My longest one yet. So the majority of my life has been spent alone. Don’t get me wrong, my friends and family have been very loving and have kept me going, but it’s just not the same.
Since I was a little girl, I’ve always had crushes. First it was a family friend’s son. He was a cute, blonde haired, blue eyed surfer who loved Vans. Then it was a blonde haired, blue eyed quarterback (go Bengals!), then it was a bunch of school girl crushes throughout the years. I’m that kid who always had a crush, but it never materialized. Ever.
I remember back in junior high/high school days, my best friend and I would read those teenage magazines and in the back pages here was always an ad for that book on how to get a boyfriend. We pitched in our allowances and bought it. We were so excited to get it and start applying the lessons learned towards our crushes. They didn’t work. Lol. But we tried!
Fast forward 20 years and I’m still clueless. Maybe it’s my personality. Maybe it’s just not the “right time”. But when will that be? I’m closing in on 36 and I feel like it’s never going to happen. I’ve tried online dating…Match, eHarmony, Tinder, Bumble, etc… haven’t been successful with any of them. Perhaps I need to have my buddy, Jon Vaughn, the creative mind behind the blog, Full Time Daddy, and the brains & muscle behind the best custody software out there, Genesis, write my dating profiles for me. Maybe my person isn’t out there yet…if that’s the case, hurry up dammit, I’m getting bored here.